Another blogger I follow, Daiquiri, recently wrote about being content and it reminded me of the time God gave me dirt. Well, actually, sod. But it still reminds me of how He provided for me when I felt forgotten.
We had been in our first house for about a year. Our $28K house. It was nice, but little, no driveway, no garage, just a narrow strip of lawn on either side of the house. We had a small backyard and a postage stamp front yard with a sidewalk and another narrow patch of grass between the sidewalk and street. We moved in before Micah was born and when he was about one, the city came and took out a dying ash tree on the boulevard. First they used chainsaws and cut the tree down to the ground, chunked it up and threw it in a truck. Then they brought out a huge truck with a stump-grinder attachment and ran this huge blade full of teeth back and forth over the stump and ground, mulching it all up. A couple men with shovels pretended to smooth out the remaining mess of damp earth and wood chips, then sauntered off to the next tree down the street. I remember Micah being about one because we watched it from our front porch, he being the age where any type of construction truck is amazing.
Later that summer some good friends bought an amazing house. It was an old 3 story victorian, lead and stained glass windows, touret, sun room, hard wood floors... needed updating, but so beautiful. And they got it for a song before it even went on the market. Can you tell I was green with envy? I really wanted more than we had. Frankly, I felt entitled, like I deserved more than our wee little house.
Meanwhile, the mess left by our diseased tree was a daily eyesore and as usual, my emotions snowballed. Somehow my unhappiness made the little spot of uneven ground in the front yard a HUGE sore spot in my life. 'They' get 'this' and I get a crappy little yard full of holes & ruts??? Truth be told, it was a pretty small area and no one other than me probably gave it a second look. But all my frustration was poured into my dissatisfaction in the 'ginormous mess' in the yard. So I stewed about it, and eventually prayed and tried to release my dissatisfaction to God.
A few days later I noticed the couple across the street had some men prepping their yard to put in sidewalks. They were over there with a sod cutter, throwing the sod in chunks in the back of a truck and laying cement forms. I was outside with Micah and asked what their plans for the sod were: nothing! Did I want some? Um... Yah! So I got a bunch of sod, got to cover the all consuming scar in my front yard, and I felt better. And as crazy as it sounds, I knew that God gave me that dirt. He planned it, He created that moment, and He used it for His glory because I learned that I am not forgotten. I can rest in Him, I am not in freefall flailing for a handhold, His steadfast hands hold me fast. He even cares if I have dirt, such a profound truth in a simple gift. He takes care of my needs, He sometimes changes my wants and He always provides exactly what I need. Today, I'm content with that.