Tuesday, August 24, 2010


I am alone... kind of.

I am an only child, born to parents who divorced when I was not yet four, one died 12 years ago, the other last week. My husband has family, we have nieces & nephews, I have in-laws. I do have family left, but the ties that bound us together are stretched thin to breaking in some points, the connecting tissues that were my parents, removed.

Not one member of my 'close' family has responded to the death of my father, no condolences, no 'thinking of you' notes, no calls, no response. And I fight the voice that tells me I am alone alone alone.

And new pain draws out my old pain.

And God moves the hands of friends and I receive cards, hugs and support and I find myself in a place where I want to pick and carefully choose the heritage I leave my children. I want more for them than I have for myself. Not more money, a better job, or a bigger house, I want them to be rich in faith, in family, in people who love them, including each other.

I am standing in the current of time, and I have the power to change where the river flows.

We can point to Jesus. 
We can build memories.
We can love each other through tragedy, through mistakes, through disagreements, through life.
We can ACTIVELY participate in each others lives.
We can turn off the TV, eat healthier, get out of the house more.
We can tell our kids how we met, what's important to us, what we believe & how to manage finances.
We can teach them that forgiveness has nothing to do with anyone else, it's a choice, and we can model it.

I don't know how to do all of that, I do know one way not to do it. I know a few things to avoid, I can point out a few potholes... And I'm thankful God has a better, bigger, and more detailed plan than I do.

I hope and pray these two are never alone.
If I am in harmony with my family, that's success.
~Ute saying

1 comment:

  1. How inspiring, I am thinking of my only child, my son, and the time of our passing (my husband & I). This has given my lots to think about... I am going to read it over again and decide how to start conversations with our boy (7 yrs old) about when that time comes, and how he is truly NOT alone... Thanks, and know that you ARE in may prayers