Friday, February 24, 2012

Jump-Start Your Sex Life

Did you see yesterday's post about building intimacy? Check it out here if you didn't! There are some great ideas there.

Today, I'd like to pass on the ideas we collected to jump start your sex life! 

* Put on some lingerie, sexy boxers, or offer to share the pajama  tops/bottoms  and surprise your spouse. Sometimes just a pretty bra & undies on under the covers says "I'm in the mood".

* Show your willingness to try new positions. (There’s an app for that- seriously!) Try something new.

* Say something sexy. Tell your spouse you want them – now. Make it simple, direct, and to the point, using whatever words you are comfortable using or that you know they’ll appreciate. Use a sexy whisper, or a more forceful tone – surprise your spouse with your forwardness!

* Open the door naked. A simple, yet obvious strategy that really can’t be misconstrued or go undetected (unlike more subtle moves). Your spouse will usually take it from there. *** Make sure you confirm it’s your spouse and only your spouse before you swing that door open!

* Do a sneak attack. Sneak up behind your spouse naked, when they least expect it, brushing up against them, maybe give a naughty caress or squeeze…

* Share a blanket. You might remember how intimate and sexy that was when you were dating. Your hands are free to wander and explore, all while safely hidden under the protective camouflage of the blanket. What happens under the covers stays under the covers!

* Set the stage for sexy bedroom antics. A few simple steps to create the perfect atmosphere can go a long way. Rose petals, candles, make your bedroom more than a walk-in closet.

* Get sudsy together. What better way to unwind after a long day than to share a relaxing bubble bath? Scented bubbles, candles, whatever makes you relax, share it with your spouse!

* Relive an X-rated memory. Look at your spouse and finish this sentence: “The most memorable erotic experience that I have had with you was…” Then re-enact it, even if it’s not in the same place.

* Write a steamy love letter to your spouse. With a little thought before sending, you can make your letter as steamy & sexy as you possibly can. Use hot adjectives in describing all the things you love most about your partner. Suggest a rendezvous and describe in graphic detail what will take place. Make sure you are very specific with a time and place (even your bedroom after the kids are in bed), the intention of the date, and what your spouse might expect. Spray it with their favorite perfume or cologne to give it a personal touch.

* Whisper sweet nothings. This is a lost art that should definitely be revived. If you can, come up with something sexy or shocking, that you know your spouse would like to hear. Be prepared to follow up on what you said!

* Whisper sweet nothings - in public. Tell your partner, in detail, what you want to do together when you get home. Ignore curious glances of onlookers who are wondering what you’re whispering about. Try this when you won’t be home for a while to build anticipation.

* Treat your spouse to some steamy shower action, by surprise. Slip into the shower with your spouse when they least expect it. Offer to soap them up, wash their hair, even shave if you want. Then let them reciprocate. Bonus: It saves water (possibly) so you're caring for the earth, too!

* Look, listen, & learn while your partner provides an intimate road-map. Take a half hour each to show one another how and where you want to be touched, with the other looking on to learn. Take notes (or photos), you won’t want to forget these lessons!

* Finger-paint. Open your fridge and cupboards to find a variety of colored delights just waiting to be used. Chocolate syrup, whipped cream, pudding… Draw pictures on each other.

* Bring dessert into the bedroom! Whip cream, strawberries, or.... whatever!

* Parking the car, wherever (a discreet location) and making out in the car. It’s cold out, so you can decided where this leads…

* Shop online together for something to enhance your sex life. Either a new oil, cream, mighty, silk scarfs...... talk about what you would like, would like to use, how thinking and talking about it makes you feel. Be open minded with your spouse.

* Turn the lights on. Be vulnerable, & trusting enough to let your spouse see & accept you.

* Play footsies out to dinner, moving up, & up their leg. Or go to a movie, sit in the back, & be naughty enough to make sparks.... but not so much that you’re breaking any laws.

* Practice verbally telling your partner what you'd like and then being a passive receiver. And vice versa, to learn to get comfortable allowing them to serve you in that way.

* Make love at a different time of day than usual, or a different room of the house, if possible.

* 7 Day Challenge! Commit to making love each day for 7 days, which can really stretch your creativity!  (Can’t do 7? Try 5)

* Plan a day when you have sex every week, no matter what. That way you both know it’s coming, you can anticipate it all day, send each other excited text messages, & prepare any way you'd like. It takes the excuses of (insert excuse here) not doing it away & neither party have to really initiate when you both are anticipating it.

When I posted our book resources a couple days ago, I said I'd talk about these books, below. A few friends recommended these to us so I picked them up on Amazon. Each page is an envelope that you tear out, each page is a surprise! They are also labeled for him or for her, titled (so you get a hint!), and noted regarding cost involved. They are quite scripted. If the above suggestions are steamy, the ideas in the book are probably red hot. But we have them on the table for anyone to grab from if they want.

101 Nights of Grrreat Sex: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples 
by Laura Corn

101 Nights of Grrreat Romance: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples 
also by Laura Corn

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Intimacy Building Ideas

Because we were already thinking about our relationship's health in the areas of sex and intimacy, as we were planning for the class a friend suggested having a basket full of' 'challenges' from which attendees can pick. After almost 20 years of marriage, I'm embarrassed to admit that all my ideas are getting old. And someone else's ideas, though old and tired to them, are new to us!

Facebook is great for information gathering, so I sent a private message to some friends and asked them to share their ideas to foster intimacy, and separate ideas to put a spark in your sex life. It was fun to read them all!  : )   We saved some ideas to throw out to the group during discussion, and put the rest in the basket.

Without further ado, here are the intimacy ideas that made the baskets. And I challenge you to pick one and give it a try!

* Give the gift of your time by doing chores for your spouse that your spouse doesn't like to do, such as folding the clothes, running an errand, washing the car, etc.

* Share memories by looking at old photographs and talking about memories you share together.

* Write unexpected love notes and leave them in unexpected places.

* Schedule a day or a date to just be leisurely together. Hold hands, be a tourist, share a kiss or two, remember to enjoy each other.

* Give a small gift ... just because you love your spouse. Receiving or giving an unexpected gift is a true delight, try to choose something your spouse will enjoy, not something you want for them.

* Put a blanket on the floor or bed in your bedroom and enjoy an intimate picnic with one another. Or go to a pretty park for the picnic

* Start to write what you're grateful for about your spouse in a journal. Share it with them, or save it to give as an anniversary gift. Either way you will start to notice more and more things to be thankful for.

* Make a point to encourage your spouse on a regular basis via email and text, challenge to send encouragements 5 times each day. (It’s easy to do with a cell phone each time you go to a bathroom!)

* Trade nightly foot rubs. It’s easy, it’s intimate, and it just makes you feel good. It can be tough to concentrate on anything else when your feet are aching and tired. Get some pleasantly scented lotion or oil and let it go wherever you feel led.

* Blind date night: pick a place to meet at a certain time but get ready at different places when you both get there, act like it's the first date ask questions about each other what you do for a living or what hobbies or activities you like. Get to know your mate all over again.

* Tickle time that doesn't HAVE to lead to sex. Set a timer...

* Take turns reading a book out loud to each other. Choose a book you may both like, or a book on relationships/sex with a light hearted tone.

* Voucher to do that thing I always refuse to do.( ie I hate to ice fish, so if I pulled that, then I need to go on a limb & vice versa. )

* Sit down, & tell your spouse something that you have discovered, & love about them that you didn't know when you married them.

* Spend time just watching your spouse while they are not aware that you are watching them. Just take in the wonder of the fact that you belong to each other! Then, tell them what you just noticed.

* Look for ways to speak your spouse’s love language. For instance, if they are all about acts of service, love them with an act of service you don’t usually perform.

* Make a mixed tape (CD) together. Spend time remembering songs that you both like, maybe danced to, or sang to when you were dating, or just songs that make you think of each other. Then put them on a CD or play list to enjoy together or play when you are apart.

* Plan a little alone time with your spouse during the day to do something fun, maybe over lunch or before work. It could be going for a walk, surprising your partner with a muffin and coffee, make breakfast together, walk downtown, grab a cookie at a bakery, etc. whatever fits and is mutually meaningful.

* Agree to daily cuddle time that will not (have to) end in sex. No obligation cuddles!

* Give a back-rub with scented oil.

* Spend some time this week noticing when your spouse goes out of their way to encourage you and thank them. Find a new way to encourage them back.

* Spend some time praying out loud for God's blessing on your spouse this week, thanking God for who He made them to be. Don’t try to pray any changes over them, just bless who they are.

* Snuggle up and watch a romantic movie together. You might want to pick one that you watched when you were dating. Avoid distraction, wait ‘til the kids are asleep, grab a blanket, and enjoy being close to each other.

* Find something to do together – with the TV off. Do a puzzle together, play cribbage or battleship… Something that promotes one on one time with each other.

* Think hard. Is there something you’ve never told anyone else? Take a quiet minute with your spouse to share that memory.

Tomorrow, the sex challenges!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Sex & Intimacy

I am busy.

I am reading my way through a stack of 15ish books about relationship and sex. And it's making me overwhelmed, frustrated, randy, motivated, and thankful. At the same time, and separate times, and in unexpected combinations. I mean, randy & motivated are a great combination (for my husband to have me experience!), but frustrated doesn't really go with thankful! At least I don't do them together well.

Micheal and I are teaching a class entitled "Good Sex' at our church. This week is week 4 of 6 weekly classes, and it's what's really on my mind and heart.

Since my blog has been like a ghost town (ghost blog?), and I really want to write what's going on with me and what God is doing in our lives, and sex is it. So yeah, I'm talking about sex. And yeah, I said 'randy' about myself. This is crazy soup, readers.

How did this come up? What makes me(us) think I(we) know enough to teach a class? Who would even listen? I'm not sure, God, and who knows? But we know it's important, and when we were asked to teach something for a group of classes under the title, "Empowering Families," and what did we think God wanted us to share? I honestly responded that I didn't know what God wanted us to share, but that the thing He keeps pestering me about is pursuing sex & intimacy. Micheal sat with his mouth open while one of our pastors asked if we really want to talk about sex & intimacy? Well, I don't know if I really want to talk about it with a bunch of people I don't know, but it is what God is talking to me about... and Micheal said that HE could talk about sex! And here we are, talking about sex.

We are not experts, but we are willing to talk about our experiences, our difficulties and embarrassments, and what works for us. (Although I do think there are things Micheal is excellent at, I won't be really explicit here so you are probably safe to keep reading! I won't be sharing any one else's thoughts here - just what I'm learning, and the significant stuff isn't the physical stuff.) It seems like no one really wants to talk about this super important topic! The Wilson's are breaking the silence.  ;o)

To begin, we bought a bunch of books. Here are the resources we are using, noting the really excellent ones.

The 5 Love Needs of Men and Women
by Gary & Barbara Rosberg

The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women
by Gary & Barbara Rosberg
We really liked both of these books by the Rosbergs. In fact, both books now have many notes and excessive underlining and asteric-ing in them. Great for the differences between the sexes, and how we are created to compliment each other. We also liked that the Rosbergs never imply that manipulation is useful to getting your needs met; instead the main point is to serve each other.

101 Nights of Grrreat Sex: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples 
by Laura Corn
101 Nights of Grrreat Romance: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples 
also by Laura Corn
We used these two books for something I'll probably talk about in my next post so stay tuned!

Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
by Kevin Leman
I give this book to every engaged friend. It's great for premarital info, covers more than just sex (of course it does, Kevin Leman is great!) and deals with some relational issues. Good stuff!

Men Are Like Waffles--Women Are Like Spaghetti: Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences

Guys Are Waffles, Girls Are Spaghetti
by Chad Eastham (Bill & Pam Farrel)
The Farrel book above, rewritten for teens. We bought this for our 17 year old, his future wife will thank me.

by Ed & Gaye Wheat.
This book has been around for years and is the go-to book that Christian (pre)marriage counselors seem to recommend the most and it includes the how to, technique, and dealing with issues.

Is There Really Sex After Kids? by Jill Savage
Rekindling the Romance: Loving the Love of Your Life by Dennis Rainey
Is That All He Thinks About?: How to Enjoy Great Sex with Your Husband by Marla Taviano
Red-Hot Monogamy: Making Your Marriage Sizzle by Bill & Pam Farrel
The Married Guy's Guide to Great Sex by Clifford & Joyce Penner

So... stay tuned for more on this hot topic! And check out some of these books, I don't think you'll regret it.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Mom always said....

Every time my mom's car got washed, she would say, "There is just something about a clean car that makes you feel like the car actually runs better!"

And she'd smile.

My teenage self would smile, nod, and walk away thinking, "whatever..."

Also, winter jackets? They are so much "warmer when they are clean!"

And now I'm a mom with my own house, and car, and laundry...  and this weekend I realized just a few more ways my mom was right:

The shower walls I scrubbed with the brand new shower liner - and when you use it, your body feels  even cleaner than usual!

The car I ran through the wash and suddenly that squeaking pulley sounds like a soft purr.

To continue to test this, tonight I will drive home in my clean car, shower and shave(!), and then go to sleep in a bed with... clean.sheets.

It could happen. And who knows what tomorrow will be like!