Why I Do This

It's a dreary Duluth day today. OK, not really - it's sunny and 71. I'm the dreary one. Here are some of the random things circling like vultures in my head today:

• What does 'Hallelujah' really mean. It's in a bunch of songs, but is it just a word we sing? Is it, 'only 26 more hallelujas and this song will finally end' or 'here comes the King!' or 'Can I stop waving these palm brances already - my arm is tired!' Dictionary.com says, 'Praise ye the Lord!' or ' a shout of joy, praise, or gratitude,' which is what I mean when I sing it, kind of. I think I mean, 'God you are so good, and I love you!' If I hadn't told you, what'd you think it means?
• Is the way I am loving my family good enough? If I have to say it that way, probably not.
• How can I keep two kids, ages almost 5 & 14, happy at the MN State Fair this year? T-minus 3 days! Too much food on a stick, too little nutrition, rain (I don't care what the forcast says, it always rains), tired kids, baby piglets & cowlets (those poor mamas laboring in front of everyone!) and a hubby who wants to see it all. Twice.
• Is anyone even reading this stuff? Sometimes I feel like tapping the computer monitor saying, 'Hello? Anybody there?'
• Why do I continually stay up too late? School starts soon and I will have to get Micah to the bus by 7am and should have worked out and gotten ready prior to this. How crazy is that?
  
• Let's not talk about working out.
• You can't pick your family. Why is family stuff so hard? Even when it's good it's hard, and when it's hard it's devastating.
• How can I make a difference in the lives of the people around me? What impression do I leave, is it positive, is it negative, do I even want to know?
• There have been many days this month that this CD has gotten me through the day. Some of my favorites are You wont Relent, or Where You Go I Go, or Sing My Love. They lift me right out of a funk.
  
• I am still praying for my dad. He has finished radiation and has begun chemo which he will receive every 30 days. He's very tired, but otherwise doing well. Thanks for praying, friends!
• In the boxes of stuff from my stepdad's house, I brought home these dresses. They are light blue with white polkadots and little heart garlands make out of daisies. Cute fabric, but what to do with it? Vintage fabric, going once, going twice...
• And what is the deal with PMS (Oh - is that my problem?!?), seriously!
• Micah is getting baptised in September, 10 years after he prayed at the kitchen table with hubby & I to make Jesus his best friend. I'm stressing over how to explain this to my lutheran family. Why did we dedicate? Isn't Micah getting confirmed? Wasn't he already baptised (No, he was dedicated - you were there)? For the invitation I finally settled on this, 'We are Celebrating! Micah is getting Baptised! (in smaller words:) Like confirmation only wetter (confirming his faith in front of family & friends).' Yesterday at church we had some baby dedications and I wished my family could see that service and the baptism to kind of bookend this whole process we are celebrating. We are also having a celebration at our house after. Anyone have some good words to define and explain this? I'm just nervous, I want them to see Jesus!
• To end this on a more positive note, here's a photo of the kids 4 years ago that I love. It makes me happy to look at it.
• Thanks for putting up with my rambling today. Oh - and I do this to get it out of my head, and sometimes this works and if you have a comment, that would make my day!