A New Kind of Counseling

We were in the right place at the right time to see someone delivering a leather sofa to Goodwill. Much to my husband's embarrassment I asked him to turn the van around and asked the guy if he was donating the couch, and would he donate to me? He would, he did, and he even delivered and so I had two couches in my living room. My little, tiny living room. One couch had to go.

We asked, begged, pleaded, bribed for help to move the couch. We even got someone to say they'd come do help do it so on a Friday after work we moved other furniture in preparation and to save our friendly helper, we decided that we could move the old couch out the front door, around the house and up on the deck. From here it should be a straight shot in the backdoor and down the stairs to the family room.

And then it was kind of starting to drizzle and looked like rain... and our help was a no show, which was great. Great because I hate moving things. Hate with a fiery, burning like surface of the sun hate. In fact, I think that engaged couples should attempt to move a couch through some sort of obstacle course that includes stairs with corners in them and kids running underfoot. If this can be accomplished and both parties are still speaking, and listening, then the marriage has a chance. Seriously.

The couch went down the stairs not once, not twice, but three times, into the bathroom once, ripped off some molding, removed a huge scratch of paint from a wall, got both offspring sent to their rooms, had one sobbing because they're "not part of the family!" (Really?!? You are a perfect square of 45'' tall and 45# and you're upset because we don't need your help to move a couch? Perfect.)

All this makes me think I can not possibly be the only person this happens to? There must be thousands or millions of couples out there who need help moving things. Not the moving kind of help. The kind of help who follows you around as you move things and when a spouse says, "Lift and pivot!", this counselor who earned their PhD with an emphasis on spatial movement liaisons would say, "They mean to lift this and do that in this direction at this specific spot in the space/time continuum." And the second half of the couch moving party could actually do that specific thing. It would be a highly specialized counselor who would be in high demand.

I would pay THROUGH THE NOSE for this service. Plane ticket from your house on your private island? No problem. Reserve your services 2.3 years in advance? Sure. First born son? Mmmmm, OK. =0)

OK, I should give a disclaimer that my husband is a sweet patient man. There is just something about moving things together that I am unable to do: Understand him. I confess there is an almost 100% probability that this is ALL ME. And I wouldn't give up my first born son. He's 15, and just about manly enough to start doing all the moving with his dad. It'll be father/son bonding time.

So anyway, if you are looking for a solid career in a brand new area of study, you should totally do this Couples-Who-Need-To-Move-Large-Heavy-Pieces-Of-Furniture Counseling gig. This may be for you. And if it is, call me! Because it's for me, too.