I can't help it, I love it.

Have you ever read The Bloggess? You should. Go read her right now. I'm probably not going to wait for you, but you can catch up when you return. Today I was reading her at work, waiting on hold to talk to an accounts person for one of our vendors who double-billed us, and I was laughing out loud and didn't even hear them answer - twice. I want a giant metal chicken, and a half zombie monkey, and the guts to type some of this stuff on my blog.

Maybe with less cussing. (Have your heard people say "swears"? As in, "My mom used to smack me for swears." That is not even a word people. I'm not even sure it's a regionalism, you just sound illiterate. Sorry, but true! My mom didn't smack me for 'swears' because I was smart enough to not cuss in front of her, even mostly as an adult. But I did yell, "What the F*%k do you think I'm trying to do?!?" from the bottom of the basement stairs on the day of my baccalaureate, but I was far enough away to avoid the smack. AND, I don't think it was a big deal that I just wanted to ride to the service with my boyfriend. BUT, my son is riding with me and not his girlfriend, when this comes back around. I was right, but he'll be wrong.) Honestly, I'd probably only cuss less because I know it would offend some readers, and it can get excessive, but it's not like I'm reading these posts to my 1st grader at bedtime, and the placement of the swears is so perfectly ironic.

Micheal and I (he's my Victor) often talk about how I. am. funny, but nobody knows it because I am too worried about what you think so I only say this stuff to him. Stop judging me. It's effecting my creativity. Or affecting it. Now I'm worried you think I'M illiterate. Whatev.

Sad

I can tell parts of the Freedom in Finances class we are sinking in. I saw this in a store the other day and I was just so sad. I know they are supposed to be funny, but it's such an empty promise. I feel like these are similar to when women, some women, take pride in being called a b#%ch. So messed up. OK, tirade over.

The American Girl Craze

has hit our house. Frankly, I avoided it, and then someone gave Grace a catalog. I threw it away after a while, hoping she wouldn't notice. And someone gave her another one. She carried it around, chatting about which doll she would like. And we talked about how expensive they are, and I hoped it would blow over. And then Grace came up with a plan. She drafted a letter to a relative detailing how she would gladly pitch in her money (about $2.50) if they would buy her an American Girl doll. I think she offered my change jar, too, and enclosed circled pictures from the catalog.

So we took a trip to the American Girl store at the Mall of America. What an overwhelming experience! From the two story store, hundreds of dolls, outfits and accessories available, the salon, to the restaurant where you can reserve a tea party for you and your doll, we barely knew which way to turn! Grace walked away with a mini-me and hasn't put it down since!

 

(On the ride home, so happy!)

(When she finally fell asleep that night)

('Sharing' breakfast)

(Micah was with, sporting new clothes)

And now I have a new project to do. The doll needs a bag to keep things together and safe. And I find myself unwilling to buy the $58 bag from AG. I found these cute backpack bags online, made by Dolly Outfitters. And a bit more searching found this modification from plum project to it that turns it into a wardrobe!

Yesterday I picked up some material, blue and peace signs like one of the bags offered at Dolly Outfitters, and I ordered the pattern for the bag. And looking at the original pattern, I'm not worried - except for the zipper, which I've never attempted before. BUT, I may have bit off more than I can chew with the modifications, and I really want to put one more swing-out section in the wardrobe part. So I may have bitten off more than I can chew, but Grace expects this to take 8 days, the random number she picked. Stay tuned for more details, and be ready to encourage me! Please!!

"Team Kathy"

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom
~ Anais Nin

  I did a 5K (see previous posts). It was hard, and I didn't know if I could do it. I didn't even know if I wanted to do it.

Micheal and Grace came downtown to watch (Micah was out of town) and cheered for me at four different locations along the course. Another handful of friends were there cheering, too. Somehow, shortly after the race I was thanking Micheal for coming and he said something about being on "Team Kathy" so of course he came!

I like that: Team Kathy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We are taking a financial class at church. The other night we were discussing debt and our leader asked a question regarding why I avoid the topic (or really any other area where it feels too difficult and/or out of my control). A point blank question like that produced an accelerated heart rate and tears, but no answer. Why does it stress me out so much?

Of course we prayed and I realized that I don't want to disappoint... anyone. Ever. And in a backwards way, that I never consciously chose, I have been living my life not trying very hard. If I don't try, don't give my all, I can never do my best - and have someone say how inadequate it is. Something can be incomplete or mediocre, and it's OK if someone says that it's not good enough. But if I give my best, put all of myself into something and then fall short, the disappointment is actually about me, not the task or job.

What if my best isn't good enough?!? But this self-sabotaging hasn't really been working for me so far.

Hmmm, not sure where this is going yet, but the journey continues! 

Romans 8:31-39 keeps running through my mind. If God is for me, who can be against me? Because Jesus intervenes on my behalf, He makes me more than a conqueror. Nothing can override HIM telling me that He's on Team Kathy.

Another open page...

Do you know I often click on the 'New Post' link and then sit and look at this blank form? I do. And I think of you, and what you might like to read, or see, or learn about. And then I go to other things on the computer, and come back to look at a blank page.

I also find myself in the McDonald's drive through before I realize I've even  decided to get a mocha frappe. Not good, at all. They are really good, and cheaper than a coffee shop. Not. Good.

I did finish the 5K. A bunch of wonderful people cheered me on, not one person said anything like, "get off the course - you suck!" Seriously, I thought something like that would happen. (Satan sucks and he'll tell you anything to get you to not do what God wants!) I had a couple friends who stuck with me the whole way and my best friend held my hand across the finish line, and hugged me while I sobbed. The whole thing was a spiritual fight, and I had to keep myself from crying just about the whole race. And I cried for about 2 hours when I got home. Whew! Here's a picture at the finish line:

I'll do another one, sometime. Hopefully sooner than later. We'll see.

Thanks for stopping by!