Friday, July 22, 2011

"Team Kathy"

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom
~ Anais Nin
  I did a 5K (see previous posts). It was hard, and I didn't know if I could do it. I didn't even know if I wanted to do it.

Micheal and Grace came downtown to watch (Micah was out of town) and cheered for me at four different locations along the course. Another handful of friends were there cheering, too. Somehow, shortly after the race I was thanking Micheal for coming and he said something about being on "Team Kathy" so of course he came!

I like that: Team Kathy.


We are taking a financial class at church. The other night we were discussing debt and our leader asked a question regarding why I avoid the topic (or really any other area where it feels too difficult and/or out of my control). A point blank question like that produced an accelerated heart rate and tears, but no answer. Why does it stress me out so much?

Of course we prayed and I realized that I don't want to disappoint... anyone. Ever. And in a backwards way, that I never consciously chose, I have been living my life not trying very hard. If I don't try, don't give my all, I can never do my best - and have someone say how inadequate it is. Something can be incomplete or mediocre, and it's OK if someone says that it's not good enough. But if I give my best, put all of myself into something and then fall short, the disappointment is actually about me, not the task or job.

What if my best isn't good enough?!? But this self-sabotaging hasn't really been working for me so far.

Hmmm, not sure where this is going yet, but the journey continues! 

Romans 8:31-39 keeps running through my mind. If God is for me, who can be against me? Because Jesus intervenes on my behalf, He makes me more than a conqueror. Nothing can override HIM telling me that He's on Team Kathy.

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