Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Getting Hooked

I feel like I should warn you that this is not an 'up' post. It's not starting that way, anyway... If you come back tomorrow, it may be more up.

I am kind of freaking out, more than a little emotional & could cry if you look cross-eyed at me. Why? There's a whole list.
  • Money, there's never enough. We are OK, but I don't feel like we are OK. This probably has a bunch to do with the impending Christmas season. And how sad that I just used the word 'impending', which is so often associated with 'doom', in regards to celebrating the birth of the King. Very sad.
  • I saw someone at a store last night, who I think saw me, and turned away in an 'I'll pretend I didn't see her' kind of way. Or I just thought they did. Why would they do that? And why do I care so much? If I allow myself to be honest, I recognized the 'I'll pretend I didn't see her' move because I've done it myself.
  • From a full dose of Effexor (antidepressant I've taken for 3+ yrs, after 9 years of others), I am down to 1/4 dose for the last 3-4 days. I'm trying to wean myself off of them, under Dr. supervision, because I don't like some of the side effects. It's taken about 3 months to get to where I am... this could totally be making me emotional.
  • The moon. I'm pretty sure it's out of whack in relation to whatever planet I'm in, or on, or something...
  • Parenting is hard. It stomps on your emotions and leaves them battered & torn. Being a parent is like wearing your heart outside your body.
  • I feel out of control. Which is ironic because any control I think I have is an illusion...
  • I could go on and on.... what a downer.
Have you seen this blog? I feel like I could write my own blog on Things I Want to Punch in the Face. But that is not who I want to be! And that is not who I believe God created me to be.

Something is definitely hooking my emotions. I just can't see what it is. It's like it is hiding behind all this junk I have piled up and if I could just see the other side of it, I could deal with whatever it is. I thought I'd try to refocus my mind, set my heart on what's really important, and be thankful. It's not Monday, I wouldn't want to confuse you!, but I feel like God is saying, 'I hear you. Really, I do. Now, thank Me.' So here goes:

holy experience

80. People who drop by this blog. You.
81. Hubby who let me accomplish not much of anything last night, and said it's OK.
82. Teenagers who apologize.
83. 5 yr. olds who dress up because it's 'Stone Soup' day at school.
84. The heater under my desk.
85. The sun I can't see through the rain/fog/drizzle.
86. The rain giving plants a long drink before winter.
87. Lost dog found.
88. Clean clothes.
89. Dirty clothes.
90. Belonging, even when you don't feel it, can't see it.
91. Salt.
92. Darkness so we can see
93. light.
94. The Bible, my Bible. Written in, highlighted, applicable, reminding, preserving this journey.
95. Today is a new day.
96. So is tomorrow.
97. Second chances.
98. Third chances.
99. Fourth...
100. Truth. Truth spoken to my heart. Truth in writing.
101. Chai tea.
102. Marching bands.
103. Drum cadence.
104. Jazz bands.
105. Sipping pretend tea with the girl in the bathtub.
106. Listening to knock-knock jokes that aren't funny or make no sense. Unless you are 5.
107. A new rotary cutter to replace broken.
108. Re-purposing old, ripped jeans.
109. Re-purposing anything.
111. Ridiculous love.
112. Dark chocolate mochas.
113. Order.
114. Disorder.
115. Little hands.
116. My mom's hands attached to my body.
117. A nice pen. A Pilot pen.
118. Getting first things first.
119. Keeping them there.
120. A clean table.
121. A clean desk.
122. A meal plan.
123. God is good.
124. All the time.
125. Luke 2:8-14. You know it, see it here.
126. This dance.

Whew! Have you tired this? Seeing things to be thankful for? It works! I'm living proof.

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