Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I don't suck anymore!

I play keyboards once in a while for our weekend worship services and often feel like the learning curve with these amazing musicians is quite high. To challenge myself to learn I have started asking some of the other keyboard players if I can come to their practices and pretty much just hang over their shoulders to see what they are playing. Probably a bit disconcerting for them, but a great way for me to see and better hear their musical genius. (I feel like I should say something here like, 'Ha, ha, HAH!!!!' while tapping my fingers together...but I digress.) Last Wednesday I sat in on practice and when I was leaving, I had a conversation something like this:

Me: Thanks for letting me come watch over your shoulder!
Her: No problem.
(something... something)
Me: I really just want to learn. I want to not suck.
Her: You don't suck, don't say that...

Which all sounds pretty pathetic when I type it out. BUT something really good came from this whole sad conversation. I realized that I really don't suck. I realized that I have been walking in that lie for so long that I really believed it, previously, and it was such a habit to think of myself that way that it just popped out of my mouth. And when I was gently challenged on it, I actually heard the lie for what it was. Huh. All this personal stuff to say that this is an area of my life where God has really been working. I feel completely differently about myself. I have a bunch more confidence and I can feel the approval of my heavenly Daddy. I always knew it in my head like a fact, now I feel it in my heart. He's changing me from the inside out, changing my perspective. I wonder what He'll do next!

And, since I wrote the majority of this post, I've had the opportunity to play on a weekend worship team. While I'm not quite ready to tour, I had a blast and walked away feeling really good about the night, and I know that this change inside me made the worship even better than all the practice did.

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