Pressing In

On Sunday night I attended a meeting at church that ended in some prayer. Praying with three other ladies, we had the opportunity to be vulnerable with each other and pray about some really tough stuff in our lives. I hate being vulnerable... and I love being vulnerable because God comes when we allow Him in, it never fails. After the ladies prayed for me, the leader in our group said, "I think you should go home and ______ because that would be pressing into Jesus."

Wow - you mean that after prayer, I should have a response? OK, just a little sarcasm, and not to the wonderful woman that said it, but aimed at myself! I can so easily forget the response part. I mean, something is wrong or you feel God working in your life so you pray, and God comes and you feel better. Right? And then I go about my day and kind of forget the part where I should try to press into whatever God is doing. I don't always do that, but often and this just causes a vicious circle:

personal emergency -> pray -> receive God's comfort -> go on my merry way -> personal emergency -> pray -> need I go on? Someone described this as taking the same trail around a mountain and never getting any higher. Or like Ground Hog Day, the movie.

What if I made a change? What if instead of the sad cycle above, my life looked like this:

personal emergency -> pray -> receive God's comfort -> ask/think about what my response should be -> go on my merry way and actually do the thing God is leading me to do -> spiritual growth occurs (no way!) ...

So I'm going to try it, make an intentional decision to live this way. Instead of just using God like a topical anesthetic, I'm going to allow Him to go beneath the surface and change me inside where it counts. (If that sounds interesting to you in any way, let's talk about it!)

This all reminded me of the song, 'Change Me on the Inside,' by Brian Doerksen. It's from the Vineyard Music 'Believe' album and I can't find the music on the web for you so you'll have to just be happy with the lyrics. It's so how I feel right now.

I long for freedom to live in the truth
I want to be more like You
But every time I try to bring about change
I only touch the visible me

There's only one way I'm really gonna change
Change me on the inside...

(Here's my fervent prayer:)

Just like King David, I cry out to You
Create in me a clean heart
I've grieved You again, I need Your release
From patterns that keep me in sin

There's only one way I can finally break free
Change me on the inside...