I just feel off. And then I think of something I'm unhappy about. And then two things... which snowballs into eleven things wrong with me... until soon everything sucks and I can't stop awfulizing. You ever do that?
And I think I need to take a break from facebook, and maybe blogs, because I have a big case of the-grass-is-always-greener-itis. I can see God pointing out how that's just not true, but my answer to that is pretty much, "Yeah, yeah..." but not really walking in it.
Because if you just started a new dance or exercise class, I don't care, and I'm really not happy for you. I still have P90X in the box - from a year ago.
If you just got back from a trip, ever took a spring break trip or mission trip, or plan to go on a trip somewhere fun - ever, I don't want to hear it.
Or maybe you just remodeled, redecorated, or re-anything to your house, good for you, something else I can't do right now. Or a new car? A Toyota hybrid? Forgedabowdit!
Love what you do? Content? Way to go, you.
Because I want to take trips, be passionate about my job, wear cute clothes, not have my mom's @$$ (fine, it's mine and I earned it), not be intimidated so I don't do the things I should do, feeling good and safe would be nice.
I bet you are super happy you stopped by. :-/ I wish I had a happier, bright shining conclusion to tack on the end, but I'm not there yet. I can see I'm being and feeling kind of over-the-top ridiculous, but can't crawl off that ledge. Right now.
The thing that keeps ringing in my head, the Word I hear, is
In Him we live and move and have our being. Acts 17.28Somehow, I need to let that sink in. Who has what or gets to do what or has something, some 'better' life than I think I do is not the point at all. It's not what I have, how I look, who loves or likes me or even how I feel, it's Who I'm in. And Who's in me. I believe it, how do I live it?
Oh girl, I feel you. I'm in that place too. At least you get to stay in scenic Duluth while SOME of us have to move to Fargo (can you hear the violin playing? Wahhh wahhhhhh.)
ReplyDeleteOh Kathy. Blogs can SUCK when you are feeling down. Tune every other voice out for a while and remember that no one has a life that is all rosy & fun. I totally feel that way too, sometimes. I was just going to write about this recently. Maybe I will next week. Not that you'll see it. ;) hahhahahhaa. I will pray for you and know that soon you will feel contentment. xo
ReplyDeleteYeah. Blog reading can do that. I think that is a trap of online communities. People only put out there what they want to, and we don't get to see the day to day stuff. That is why real community is so great. We get to see the real person and their real life with all it's ups and downs and then we don' t feel so badly. At least that is how it works for me. Not that i don't struggle with the comparison thing with people. But there is something about hanging with real people that makes me feel less isolated and less alone in my struggles.
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